“Emotionally dependent, I was always suffering”: the poignant story of Sophie who got through it thanks to a “fraternity” in Montpellier

Les rapports conflictuels dans le couple, une conséquence de la dépendance affective. Midi Libre – MAX BERULLIER

The Dasa group (Emotional and Sexual Addicts Anonymous) in Montpellier has just celebrated its first anniversary. The woman who co-founded it talks about her life and her experience.

Sophie* speaks at full speed, giving free rein to her emotions. She is 34 years old, and it has been 11 years since she discovered the Dasa group meetings.

“I grew up in a dysfunctional family, explains the co-founder of the Montpellier group. I had a very toxic mother, who was very attached to her children, and an evasive father who refused to commit. They were both DAS (emotionally and sexually dependent).”

“I am an incest survivor, and I was convinced that I was a monster. I had suicidal thoughts, I was bulimic. I had no self-esteem, no confidence. I lived in fantasies to escape from my daily life.”

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“I lived only to please”

“I saw that I had the attention of boys. I had several relationships but I was not happy with them, nor alone. I forgot myself in relationships, because I had never had space to build myself. And I was attached to mutual dependence. I was constantly suffering because I was not myself. I did not lived only to please, only to make the other addicted to me.”

The trigger? “My mother gave me the book “These women who love too much” (by Robin Norwood, psychotherapist specializing in female emotional dependency). The author talked about Dasa support groups. I joined one, but at the time, it was to find a way to make my boyfriend jealous!”

“I relapsed because I thought I was in control of my life”

“There, I found people who were suffering the same way I was. I understood that I hadn't chosen my addiction. I learned to take responsibility for myself instead of playing the victim. I put myself at the center of my life. It took me eight years to complete the twelve steps of the Dasa program, thanks to the help of my sponsor. But nothing is ever acquired.”

After ten years, Sophie stopped the Dasa group. “I followed my boyfriend to the South of France and fell back into my old ways. In fact, I relapsed because I thought I was in control of my life and my addiction. You have to stay humble.”

“With them, there is trust and no shame”

To recover, Sophie once again relied on her friends from Dasa. “An addiction specialist said that the opposite of addiction was not sobriety but connection. Today, I realize that I have become an adult with Dasa. Beyond the program, it is a philosophy of life. With them, there is trust and no shame, we can be sincere and show our vulnerability.”

“It is also with Dasa that I saw the usefulness of psychotherapy. We do not talk about treatment protocols at all at Dasa. In fact, the two are complementary.”

“The greatest freedom is being honest with myself that brought it to me. I am still learning to love myself, to let emotions flow through me. But now, the path is made in joy.”

(*) First names have been changed. I subscribe to read the rest