I gave my boyfriend money and realized that it was in vain, now I am different, I learned to do everything correctly

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November 15, 2019, 10:02 | Business

Relationships and money are two inseparable concepts.

I gave my boyfriend money and realized that it was in vain, now I am different, I learned to do everything correctly

No matter how lovers try to avoid financial issues, sooner or later they will have to to face them. I always told guys that I wanted a serious relationship. Some of them immediately ran away after this phrase, and some, on the contrary, were attracted by my directness, informs Ukr.Media.

As soon as we started a relationship with a potential boyfriend, we went to a restaurant, walked in the park, bought ice cream, went to the movies and so on. At first, my boyfriend usually paid all the bills. However, once our relationship became more serious, we started paying the bills together.

The relationship that made me change

A few years ago I started dating a guy. He was awesome. He was in graduate school, held the same values ​​in life as I did, and was generally a wonderful person. However, our financial goals and priorities were on completely opposite sides. I was frugal, always kept money in a savings account and was wary of any loans. He, on the contrary, frivolously spent money, having no savings.

Once I gave my boyfriend money to pay for the house. At that time, we still lived separately, he was tired of graduate school and part-time jobs, but he was ashamed to ask his parents for money. He promised to return everything. When I found out about his bad money habits, instead of teaching him and myself about financial management, I started paying for him more often. I wanted to show him that I will always be by his side, always on his side and always help him in a difficult moment. Our relationship lasted for three years and eventually we broke up. He no longer wanted a serious relationship, even though he knew my intentions from day one. That was two and a half years ago. As before, he calls, writes messages, e-mails. He wants nothing more than for me to welcome him with open arms every time after he goes out for a walk.

Now I know not to lend money to a guy. I have already regretted my action more than once. However, after this failed relationship, I learned to do things the right way.

Here's what not to do in a relationship

Pay for an apartment

Do not do this, even if the man promises to return the money. Over the past few years, I've learned to never borrow money if I need it myself. If you lend, imagine that you will never get it back. Act as if you lost that money forever. In this case, you will feel more relaxed if the debt is not returned.

Think that you are married

When you are not married, you have nothing in common, even if you think so. His money belongs to him, and yours belongs only to you. Being deeply in love, you must not forget reality and transform yourself into a perfect woman, paying expenses that he cannot afford due to his own terrible habits.

Turning into a maid

In the two and a half years since my breakup, I've read books on financial independence, listened to financial podcasts, and watched an endless stream of videos on how to better manage money. After much thought, I realized with horror that my excessive care in the world prevents my partner from learning from his own mistakes. I was always a backup plan in case of his money problems.

What should be done in a relationship?

My experience told me not only prohibitions, but also useful rules.

When a guy pays every time, it can put a big financial strain on his wallet. If money is tight, find some less expensive or free entertainment. Dating and cooking at home can be a good way to save.

Share ideas with each other, read the same books and articles, and talk about your financial goals and aspirations. If your partner is deeply in debt, talk to them about their personal finances and get them to take responsibility for their money. Some people were just never taught how to do this, and that's okay.

Always have your own money and your own life outside of the relationship. Things might be different in marriage, but if you're just dating, that changes everything. You have to be the captain of your ship and always put it first. Your partner should do the same.

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