TESTIMONIES. Abused, beaten… these children of “failing parents” who will have to provide for their needs because of the maintenance obligation

Il existe très peu d’exceptions pour se déroger à l’obligation alimentaire. ILLUSTRATION MAXPPP – Mourad ALLILI

When a parent is no longer able to provide for their basic needs – housing, food, clothing – their children must help them. This is the principle of the obligation to provide maintenance, a law dating back to 1803 that many would like to dust off. When parents abuse, mistreat, fail, etc., why should their children be forced to support them? ?

“Children owe maintenance to their father and mother or other ascendants who are in need,” states the Civil Code. Concretely, if our parents or grandparents can no longer provide for their needs, we must pay for their old age, even if they are executioners.

And the alimony obligation is not limited to paying a pension. We also talk about assuming rental expenses, paying for the retirement home, taking care of medical expenses, home help, paying funeral expenses, providing free housing or even hosting your parent if you have a spare room. Dissociating yourself means no longer being obliged to pay for all that. In return, you give up your inheritance.

Double punishment

Ten years after remarrying, Alicia's father raped his partner's daughter. “We're talking about a hundred rapes. He was sentenced to 10 years in prison, he has since been released. And so, I decided to break off all contact with my father to stand by the side of the one I consider my sister.”

200% Deposit Bonus up to €3,000 180% First Deposit Bonus up to $20,000

The Toulousaine wants to cut all ties with her father. DR.

Officially, the Toulousaine is not her father's victim since he did not abuse her. This is why her father has the right, if one day he is in need, to ask her for money, or even a roof over his head. “If tomorrow, I earn a good living and I have a room for him, I will have to accommodate this man.” At 25, the young woman wants to anticipate the moment when her father will need her.

After changing her name thanks to the Porte mon nom collective, co-created with Marine Gatineau Dupré, this communications manager now wants to distance herself from her father. “I have no problem with giving up the inheritance. For me, the most important thing is not having to deal with him later. I don’t want people to come back to me in 10 or 20 years to ask me for an explanation. There are things that can’t be proven. There are psychological harms that can’t be proven either. I don’t want to have to justify myself when he asks. Today is the day I want to let go of him so I can move on with my life.”

The process is tricky: how to prove your pain if you are not recognized as a victim by the courts ? Children of mistreated or abused women can obtain separation. But in Alicia's situation, where the blended nature of her family has woven more complex ties than those of blood, the young woman does not fit into the rigid boxes of the law.

Proving failure

On April 8, the “aging well” law made it possible to establish a few exceptions to the rule of family obligation. Children who have been removed from their family environment for too long or when the father is found guilty of violence against the mother are no longer concerned.

Despite this, even direct victims of failing parents struggle to have the violence they suffered in their childhood recognized. This is the case for Enzo, 21 years old: “I was beaten by my father and my little brother, Hugo, too.”This resident of Clermont-l’Hérault was 3 years old when his parents separated. He and Hugo had to go live with their father, a notorious and very violent alcoholic. Until he was 7 years old, he lived in hell. His stepmother also subjected him to mistreatment and many deprivations: “There were padlocks on the cupboards, on the refrigerator”.

In a few years, their father could ask them for alimony, housing, a place in a care facility. “In my head, he’s not my father anymore. It’s the same for my brother.” Hugo and Enzo have already changed their names thanks to the initiative of Marine Gatineau Dupré and the Vignal law. The next step is to disengage. “I’m going to fight. I don’t see why I should have to answer to him, he’s never given me anything good.”

For children of failing parents, ending the obligation to support is imperative. Some former victims of abuse go so far as to make themselves insolvent, or consider suicide, as the only solution when faced with the application of this duty.

I subscribe to read the rest