The “5-second rule” is too little known, yet it reduces arguments between couples

Conflicts are inevitable in a couple, and too frequent arguments can weaken your relationship. To avoid escalation, the five-second rule can be a solution.

What if arguments were healthier than they seem? Whether in our romantic, family or friendly relationships, we are sometimes tempted to keep quiet out of reserve or fear of hurting others. However, burying one's emotions can be more devastating than it seems. For psychologist Camille Rochet, in an interview with France Inter, “silence often expresses a hidden violence, which is no less violent and can generate violence in the other person”.”

So yes, we shouldn't ban arguments, but we need to know how to manage them. At first, we blame a pair of socks that were put away wrong or a pair of forgotten underpants, then the conflict gets worse. The criticisms become more general, we no longer blame a singular event but faults: inattention, a lack of seriousness…

To counter this type of escalation, researcher Annah McCurry developed a study on the subject. She conducted more than six thousand tests to analyze the triggers of aggression in an “ethical” way. The device is simple: a couple confronts each other in a game of reactivity. Placed one in front of the other, the partners each wear a helmet. At each turn, the winner must make a more or less deafening noise resonate in the ears of the loser.

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This strange device does have a scientific interest. For researchers, it is used to measure the participants' level of aggression, without causing any real repercussions on their relationship. The whole point of this experiment lies in the delay in administering the sound. In one group, participants could turn up the volume on their headphones immediately. In the other, they had to wait between five and fifteen seconds.

&At the end of this study, the researchers concluded that the aggression of the couple, measured by the noise level administered in the ears of the loser, was influenced by the emotions of both partners. The higher the noise level was for one, the higher it became for the other. &Agrave Conversely, when a waiting time was imposed, their animosity decreased. Therefore, taking a break would allow both members to calm down and control themselves. "It seems obvious, but for the first time, someone has proven it empirically," researcher Annah McCurry told The Guardian.

Thanks to its simplicity of execution, anyone can use it. Just discuss it with your other half: it can be an experiment, an attempt to resolve more or less recurring arguments. It allows everyone to resume their thoughts and reflect before expressing themselves. According to research, five seconds is enough. So, in the middle of an argument, stop everything, be silent for five seconds. The rest will be easier to manage. And not just with your partner.